What Next? Take Action Now To Beat Social Anxiety!

I hope this blog has given you an insight into your anxiety, and provided you with the tools to help you find peace, act with courage, and live a life closely aligned to your values. As you became immersed in the detail of each chapter you may have found yourself losing sight of the overall structure and strategy of the blog, so we’ll summarise the structure again over the next few pages. Firstly, let’s review the key messages relayed in the first five parts of the blog:

• Evaluate your beliefs and nurture the mindset that it is possible to change and grow.
• Raise awareness of how and why your anxiety develops in order to manage it effectively.
• Understand your values, be your best self, and live authentically.
• Train your mind to effectively manage your thoughts and emotions.
• Accept discomfort and courageously take action to create the life you want.

Now let’s summarise what we’ve learned in the previous chapters in a little more detail and then discuss how we can bring it all together, take the next steps, and outline some ‘powerful essentials’ that can help propel us forward.

MINDSET

One of the main aims of the blog was to help nurture a growth mindset; to create a set of beliefs that acknowledges change is possible. Remember changing the way you think about anxiety is the first step to overcoming it; not all anxiety and stress is bad, it can be helpful in many situations. However, when anxiety is detrimental; through learning, effort, and application; we can change, grow, and transform our relationship with it. Anxiety is inevitable but it shouldn’t stop us from living with courage and being our best selves.

SURVIVAL SYSTEMS

Our survival systems were developed to keep us safe from danger and motivated to survive, but the way these systems interact can sometimes cause us to feel anxious, stressed and unhappy. Our negativity bias developed in harsh conditions but still operates in a similar way in today’s relatively safe environments, meaning we sometimes react to relatively safe or neutral situations as if they are life or death.

The negativity bias also interacts with our emergency arousal system – the fight, flight or freeze response – which can be triggered by the negative thoughts we have. This stress response didn’t evolve to be continually activated, but only when needed for survival, or to help us in challenging situations. This continuous activation can set us up for many physical and mental anxiety-related ailments.

We also evolved to pursue pleasure and avoid pain, and as a result we can get hooked on constantly seeking these things, and when we don’t have the perfect conditions that allow us to experience them, or fear we could lose them, it makes us feel distressed. So we’re not only impacted by immediate threats to our survival, but also the fear we won’t get what we evolved to seek out.

On top of these hardwired survival systems, we have also discovered learning changes the brain through neuroplasticity. So the neural pathways involved in our anxious thinking can become stronger, like a river bed that deepens over time.

With the interaction of these survival systems and the reinforcing of anxious thinking by neuroplasticity, it’s not difficult to understand why life can be very challenging and often make us feel anxious. However, there are exercises and practices that can make us aware of these unhelpful thinking patterns and retrain the brain not to automatically respond in this way.

PATHWAYS TO ANXIETY

Anxiety can originate from two different areas of the brain: anxiety produced as a result of our thoughts is initiated in the cortex, and anxiety produced by our reaction to what is happening in our environment is initiated in the amygdala. We referred to these two pathways as the thought pathway and the reactive pathway.

We can learn to manage our thought pathway anxiety through practising the mindfulness skills of defusion, expansion and engagement. Reactive pathway anxiety can be managed by raising our awareness of it – understanding our reactions are result of our amygdala being triggered by our environment. We can also eliminate or reduce reactive pathway anxiety further by learning through experience.

ANXIETY DISORDERS

Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. It can often be situation specific or last for a short period of time. However, sometimes anxiety can feel more permanent, impacting nearly every part of our lives.

Anxiety disorders often develop through Escape Avoidance Learning. This occurs when we try to escape the unpleasant feelings by leaving the situation causing the anxiety.  Doing this does relieve our anxiety, but also makes us more likely to repeat this behaviour in the future by escaping any situation that causes us anxiety. This is called negative reinforcement, and the avoidance behaviour it encourages can extend to other situations and environments and affect more and more of our everyday lives.

However, we can learn to increase our capacity to bear anxiety and be more accepting of the uncomfortable feelings it brings. By doing this we can change our relationship with anxiety, transform our behaviour, and break the vicious cycle. 

Practical Exercises

CREATING A FOUNDATION

By taking a step back and assessing who we really are, how we live our lives, and how we could change them for the better; we can build a foundation that will help us to stand strong when faced with the challenge of changing our relationship with anxiety. When we affirm our most deeply held values, we can reduce our anxiety, becoming less defensive and more open and authentic in our behaviour.

We also need to ensure we manage our energy and take time to do the activities and practices that nourish us. Without the things that nourish us, stress increases and we give up more and more of the activities that replenish us. As a result we’re only left with stressors that deplete our resources and we can become exhausted or burnt out. It’s easy to get sucked into this process because we often have pressing demands, and when we do, the more pleasurable things in life tend to seem optional and are easier to give up.

Although it may feel counterintuitive at the time, in order to do the pressing things well and to maintain our wellbeing, we need to make space for replenishment and nourishment. This will give us the extra time, energy and perspective needed for the challenging parts of our lives.

CALMING THE MIND

Exercises and practices that calm the mind are beneficial for managing anxiety initiated in both in the cortex (thought pathway anxiety) and in the amygdala (reactive pathway anxiety). Research on mindfulness practices has also testified to various positive changes in both brain functioning and structure. When done consistently, mindfulness practices can alter the brain in a way that: improves our focus and attention, slows down age-related mental decline, and helps us to manage our emotions.

Meditation is one of the most popular mindfulness practices. It is not a religion and doesn’t have to be performed as a spiritual practice; it is evidence-based mental training. It can be a relatively short practice and done when sitting, standing, walking, or doing a routine task. You don’t have to have a certain type of mind to meditate; it is not about emptying your head of thoughts, but rather about learning to focus your attention on one thing and consistently bringing your attention back to the thing when the mind wanders.

The benefits of meditation to your mental health may be apparent very early on and will grow with time. Guided meditations can help you when you first begin, and can also be helpful when you are more experienced, but you should also soon be able to meditate without a guided meditation recording or an app. 

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches a radical way of responding to unhelpful thoughts and feelings that may seem counterintuitive. The ACT approach suggests we can reduce the influence of unhelpful thoughts and anxious feelings without trying to get rid of them; this method works even though it makes no effort whatsoever to reduce, challenge, eliminate, or change negative thoughts.

Negative thoughts are only considered problematic if we get caught up in them, give them all of our attention, treat them as the absolute truth, allow them to control us, or get in a fight with them. The ACT approach teaches three key skills to help us effectively manage thoughts and feelings that cause anxiety: defusion, expansion, and engagement.

• When we defuse or separate from thoughts, we become aware they are nothing more or less than words and pictures, and can have little or no effect on us, even if they are true.

• When practising expansion, we open up and make room for emotions, sensations and feelings. We accept they are there, and allow them to pass through without having an impact on our behaviour. The more space we can give the difficult feelings, the smaller their influence and impact on our lives.

• Engagement is being present and actively involved in what we are doing – not lost in our thoughts. Being anxious is not a problem but disengaging from our experience is.
   

TAKING ACTION

We often think before we are able to do anything properly we have to get rid of the fear of doing it; we simply can’t function well when we are experiencing fear. However, there is no way of expanding our comfort zone without stepping outside it and feeling fear. Fear is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign we are pushing our boundaries and progressing.

More often than not, fear won’t debilitate us, but focusing on the fear will. Fear doesn’t hold us back, but our attitude to fear does. When we’re in a real-life challenging situation that doesn’t require us to fight, flee, or freeze, there are a number of strategies we can use when fear rises up.

• Firstly we need to accept it. We can’t numb, push away, or eliminate fear when it arises. Battling or arguing with fear will only take our attention away from the situation or task in hand.

• We should also welcome it.  Fear evolved to help keep us safe in challenging situations, to alert us to risks, and to prime us for action. It means well and is on our side.

• Finally, we can use it. When we feel fear and our sympathetic nervous system initiates the fight, flight, or fear response, our senses get heightened, our reflexes quicken, we get greater strength, and our body is energised and ready for action.

THE CONFIDENCE CYCLE

There are no magic bullets or mystical shortcuts to feeling anxiety-free and supremely confident when learning a skill or entering a new situation. However, we can feel confident about doing almost anything. We’ve used the confidence cycle many times before, when learning all of life’s basic skills and also many of the skills we now take for granted:   from walking and talking, to learning to drive, to operating a computer.

The Confidence Cycle involves repeating the following four steps until we become good at whatever we have set our sights on. We need to 1. practise the skills required, 2. apply them effectively in a real life challenging environment, 3. assess the results, and 4. modify the skills as needed. Then we start again at the first step until we reach the standard of skill needed. Visualisation can also be a powerful additional tool to use alongside the confidence cycle.

THE FEAR PROJECT

The Fear Project is an evidence-based, step-by-step process, to help you to start moving out of your comfort zone; to tackle some of the small challenges you are facing; to begin to take action and get things done, even if these things seem very minor. Small, manageable behaviours allow us to gain momentum, build confidence, create self-belief, and develop a growth mindset. The project involves creating a ‘fear list’ of avoidance and inspirational tasks, and then using the skills learned throughout the blog to take action and tackle each task.

CALMING ANXIETY RESPONSES AND PANIC ATTACKS

The final chapters focused on how we can cope with the more extreme mental and physiological responses to anxiety. What we should do when we’re particularly panicked, anxious, angry, or stressed, and need help immediately.

We included a number of  short and simple exercises, focused on reducing the physiological symptoms of anxiety, designed to help us switch from the aggressive sympathetic nervous system to the calmer parasympathetic nervous system. The exercises are tailored to either the fight and flight response to anxiety, or the freeze response to anxiety. Controlling our breathing and becoming aware of what is happening in the present moment, are particularly effective for controlling physical symptoms and unhelpful thoughts.

Panic attacks are the most severe response to anxiety. When experiencing a panic attack it’s important we don’t try to escape the situation, as this will reinforce the power of the attacks, and make it more difficult to overcome them in the future. We can manage panic attacks by being aware they are not life threatening, not worrying about what other people think, and not focusing on the panic attack. We can also help reduce and eventually eliminate the symptoms of an attack by practising abdominal breathing, learning muscle relaxation, and engaging in physical exercise.

The Road Ahead

The challenge now is for you to weave the practices and exercises into your everyday life in a way that is sustainable in the long-term. In order to do this you will need to try out the different exercises and decide which ones work best for you. Choose the exercises you find most effective, enjoyable, and will fit best into your daily routine. Keep in my mind you do not have to stick rigidly to your original choices; you may find as time goes by your choices and preferences change. Different experiences and different demands on your life may make some exercises more applicable at different times. So be open, aware, and flexible.

I would suggest you check-in on your values and reaffirm them often (Foundational Exercise 1: Who Are You?). We need reminding of who we are and what we stand for on a regular basis, particularly when we’re facing challenges or going through a stressful period of life. Similarly, be aware of your energy levels, particularly when life is busy, and take time to consider if you’re living a balanced life that includes activities and experiences that nourish you.

Continue to practise the mindfulness exercises, these will strengthen your ability to calm your mind. The benefits of the exercises will build over time, so I would suggest you practise them daily, or at least on a regular basis. Consider extending your meditation sessions to up to 20 minutes. After some practice you may feel you can meditate without audio guidance, but use the guidance for as long as you find it helpful. I still use guided meditation in my everyday practice.

When anxiety arises, remember to use the mindfulness skills you’ve learned – defusion, expansion and engagement – to effectively deal with unhelpful thoughts and uncomfortable feelings – it gets much easier and more intuitive as time goes by. Don’t allow your anxiety to stop you from growing; keep seeking out challenges that enrich your life and don’t let anxious feelings keep you from tackling the difficulties life throws at us.

The Fear Project will have encouraged you to start small and gain momentum. Use this strategy to overcome the paralysis that small and uncomfortable problems can cause, but don’t be afraid to dream big and set larger goals. Be ambitious, break the goals down into small steps, tame your fear, accept the discomfort, and use the confidence cycle to learn new skills and overcome obstacles. 

One Last Exercise

This blog is primarily concerned with overcoming anxiety and being able to function in life again. It is about finding out who you are and taking small steps to become unstuck and move forward. It was written with the intention of not being overwhelming for the reader.

However, in this one last task, I want you to use some of the exercises we’ve done, and skills we’ve learned, to think bigger, and to consider where you want to be heading over the next year or so. Most of us are so busy surviving we never consider where our lives are going. When this is the case other people or circumstances design our lives for us.

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Exercise: Poster – My Next Year

Set one hour aside to do this exercise, although it may take you much less time to complete. You can also do the exercise over a few days or longer if you find that easier. – just keep going back to the poster until you feel it’s complete.

Step 1

Take an A4 size sheet of paper, and across the top, write your name, today’s date, and the date in one year’s time. E.g. “Matt Lewis – 1st June 2017 to 1st June 2018”

Step 2

At the top of the poster write a mission statement for the next year of your life. In other words, what is your purpose over the next year? What do you want to achieve over the next 12 months? Where are you heading? What do you want the next year to look like? The statement should be a brief paragraph containing four to five sentences. It can be about anything from developing your career, to nurturing your relationships, to learning to paint, to spending more time outdoors.

Step 3

Now reduce your mission statement to one sentence and write it down in the middle of your poster, underneath the full mission statement from Step 2. The sentence should really capture the essence of your mission statement. It may take a little while to do, but distilling it down into one sentence will help to clarify your thinking. You can keep this mission statement sentence private (or you can share it if you wish), but write it in such a way you are able to remember it and could easily communicate it to others. It’s designed to be an easily identifiable trigger for your focus over the coming year.

Step 4

At the bottom of the poster write down your top four primary goals for the next year. This is your action plan for achieving your mission statement, so it should be very practical. Ensure each goal is:

• Specific – target a specific task, rather than being general or ambiguous.
• Measurable – clear enough so you know when it has been achieved.
• Attainable – can be realistically achieved given the available resources.
• Relevant – it fits in with, and is connected to,  your mission statement.
• Time Bound – it can be achieved within one year.

Put the poster in a place when you see it regularly, to remind you of where your focus should be. If, as time goes by, you feel you have clarified your mission statement or goals further, or even changed them due to further understanding or a change of circumstances, don’t be afraid to make alterations to it.  Use the mindfulness skills to help you make progress, tame your fear when needed, and use the confidence cycle to learn new skills.

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