The Positive Side of Living with Social Anxiety

“A stammering man is never a worthless one. Physiology can tell you why. It is an excess of sensibility to the presence of his fellow creaturethat makes him stammer.”

~Thomas Carlyle, letter to Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1843 November 17th

Those who daily crumble before the adverse effects of social anxiety may not be ready to comprehend the full benefits of how their mind is wired. However, research demonstrates that not only is there a bright side to social anxiety, but that society is in desperate need of what those with social anxiety have in abundance.

It does seem strange, even counterintuitive, to suggest that an overabundance of an attribute can become debilitating. But examples of the effects of abundance have been around for centuries. For example, people are often seen watering their lawns, especially to keep them green during dry periods. But overwatering tends to make the lawn susceptible to pests and disease. And again, a moderate amount of salt is largely considered good–even necessary–for humans and animals. But an overabundance of salt yields the Dead Sea.

Likewise, the person with social anxiety has an abundance of concern for the opinions and reactions of others. And while this abundance can lead to discomfort and even panic, it is not the attribute of social concern that causes individuals to experience anxiety. Rather, the anxiety results from the expectation that the person will likely experience negative results.

As we will discuss later, the key to overcoming social anxiety is not to diminish one’s concern for the thoughts and opinions of others. That would actually be problematic. Think about it: those who have the least amount of such concern are sociopaths. Instead, the key to overcoming anxiety lies in learning to channel these concerns positively and realistically. The abundance of social concern found in the socially anxious must never be diminished –these are profound assets to the individual, to the person’s significant relationships, and to society as a whole!

In her clinical work specializing in patients with various anxieties, Dr. Tracy Foose 4notes that there is a strong correlation between the presences of anxiety and what she dubs,“wonderfully adaptive stuff.”Apparently this“stuff”whichproduces anxiety in her patience is the same“stuff”that employers and recruiters are beginning to seek in earnest. That“stuff”is the formative matter from which the so-called“soft skills”and social consciousness are formed.

Anxious people, according to Foose, tend to be more conscientious, honest, and self-controlled–qualities we want in every member of society. But more than this, those who tend to have social anxiety also tend to naturally demonstrate heightened detail orientation, are more performance driven, and will act more socially responsible than those without anxiety.

Some may assume that these positive traits are a result of excessive focus on what others may think. However, research studies and clinical experience are painting the opposite picture. People tend toward anxiety because they are exceptionally endowed with a capacity for being, as Foose terms it,“pro-social.”

According to recent surveys of employers and recruiters,5 proficient technical skills are no longer enough to identify the best job candidates from the mountain of applications. They are seeking what is seldom instructed in schools or trained on the job. These so-called soft-skills are the interpersonal relational skills which elicit trust from others, sets them at ease, and creates a collaborative environment. The naturally occurring pro-social capacity found in those who tend toward social anxiety enables them to excel at developing the soft-skills which are now identified as necessary to be a top performer in jobs ranging from entry-level positions through senior management.

The socially anxious as top performers in high responsibility positions?

Absolutely!

In addition to having a natural predisposition for career advancement, persons who excel at soft skills–the socially anxious in particular–also have a natural predisposition for success in long-term intimate relationships. According to Dr. John M. Grohol 6 there are five essential core ingredients for successful marriages and other long-term relationships. By nature those who tend toward social anxiety excel at four of them: the ability to establish a balanced environment of collaboration and accommodation; the desire and capacity for open and honest communications; the willingness to exercise discretion in carefully choosing which causes are worthy of healthy conflict; and not only understanding the importance of trust and honesty, but eliciting and encouraging it in others.

And, not too ironically, the tendency to covertly escape the crowds often leaves the socially anxious person in an environment conducive to self-reflection and contemplation. Developing a habit, even a predilection for such retreats is a proven method for dealing with stressors in an all too hectic society. In peaceful refuge, the individual is able to become centered on and focus upon those core values and beliefs that inform his moral and ethical compass.

Social anxiety, for all its presumptive troubles, does have its bright side!