Managing Anxious Feelings Guide

When we experience painful or uncomfortable feelings, emotions, or sensations, we normally do our best to avoid them, distract ourselves from them, or try to get rid of them. When we do this we can often find relief in the short-term, but make our lives more difficult in the long-term. We can learn to deal with these feelings effectively by learning a skill called ‘expansion’. 

In ACT the term ‘expansion’ is really another name for acceptance. We’re using the term expansion as most people misunderstand acceptance to mean wanting, tolerating, liking, or putting up with. In the context of ACT, this is not the case.

Expansion can be described as the ability to open up and make room for emotions, sensations, and feelings. Allowing them to come and go without letting them drag us down, push us around, or hold us back. It’s a powerful way to handle difficult emotions such as fear, anger and anxiety.

So rather than trying to get rid of unpleasant feelings, we open up and accommodate them. We make room and allow them to come and go in their own good time. It doesn’t mean we want them, like them, or approve of them, but we just stop investing our time and effort in fighting them. The more space we can give difficult feelings, the smaller their influence and impact on our lives.

The following exercise illustrates how expansion works, but it can also be used to practise expansion when you’re experiencing uncomfortable emotions, feelings, or sensations.

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Expansion Exercise: N.A.M.E

(Notice, Acknowledge, Make Space, Expand Awareness)

Step 1
Think of something that makes you mildly anxious. Nothing too extreme, just something that gives you some mild to moderate anxious feelings, whether it’s driving in heavy traffic, having to order something at a busy bar (one of mine), or walking into a room of strangers. Maybe it’s an up-and-coming task you have to do that you’re not looking forward to. Take a little time to think of something.

Step 2
Observe. Now observe the sensations in your body. Just thinking about that situation should bring about some feelings in your body. Just observe those sensations. Where are they in your body? There maybe more than one sensation, if so, look for the one that bothers you the most. Be curious about it. Where does it start and stop? What shape do you imagine it to be? Is it light or heavy? Is it moving or staying still? Is it warm or cool?

Step 3
Breathe. Now breathe into and around the sensation. Slow, deep breaths if you can. Deep breaths can lower the tension in your body, increase your vagal tone, and help you to switch from the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight, and aggressive) to the parasympathetic nervous system (calmer and restful). This won’t get rid of your feelings but it will provide some calmness within you. Like an anchor in the storm. Imagine your breath flowing into and around the sensation.

Step 4
Make space. As your breath flows in and around the sensation, imagine it’s creating extra space within your body, so you’re giving it plenty of room to move. If the feeling gets bigger, give it even more space, allow it even more room.

Step 5
Allow. Now allow that sensation to be there, even though you may not like it or want it. Just let it be there. If your mind comments on what’s happening, just thank it and go back to observing. You may feel an urge to fight it or push it away, if so, just acknowledge that urge and bring your attention back to the sensation or feeling. Remember you’re not trying to get rid of it or change it, but if it changes by itself that’s fine. Keep observing it until you completely give up the struggle with it and accept it.

Step 6
Expand awareness.  When you’ve given up the struggle with the sensation,  expand your awareness to the present moment, whatever is happening right now. What is happening in the room you’re in? What can you see, hear, smell? Think of it as being like bringing the lights up on a stage. Normally when we’re anxious we have a spotlight focusing only on the anxious feeling. Now however,  you've acknowledged the sensation and you’re bringing up the lights and taking in your environment.

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This should give you a taste of what expansion is like. At times you may experience lots of sensations, and if this is the case, go through one after the other, using the technique until you stop struggling.  With practice you’ll learn to do this naturally and quickly – you’ll notice an uncomfortable emotion or feeling, and rather than trying to control it, or allow it to control you, you’ll accept it and give it space, allowing it to come and go, while being able to engage in the present moment.

Take the example a job interview. Just before going into the room you may start to feel very anxious. This is perfectly normal. Rather than leaving the situation or arguing with your feelings, you can notice the anxiety, give it space, and allow it to come and go while ‘bringing up the lights’ on your environment. This will allow you to engage with the present moment – the people in the room and questions you’re being asked. The anxiety may still be there, but it is not controlling your behaviour.

Like defusion, people often get the wrong idea about expansion – that it’s a clever way to get rid of uncomfortable or painful feelings – as when we use expansion the uncomfortable feeling often disappears and over time shows up less. However, don’t expect this each time, consider it a lucky bonus, a by-product of expansion and not the main purpose. The main aim of expansion is to reduce the influence and impact of the difficult feelings in order for us to be able to present and take effective action.